I have been meaning to post this for the longest time, but I just have not been in the right head space to do it. I have been working through some things… depression, anger, fear, anxiety, pain. The whole reason I was asked to do this photo shoot was because I was strong, because I have survived these very things. I felt like such an imposter when I posed for these photo’s.
I knew it was all true, that I have overcome some major internal battles and struggles with my personal demons… but as I stood there, staring into Shante’s camera lens, a war was raging inside me. All the demons I banished to the deepest, darkest corners of my mind had sprung free and I once again found myself broken… battered… bruised… exhausted. Trying to stay alive. I am still here, I am still breathing. I have had to make some really tough decisions for my own mental well-being and for the life I want to lead – and I promise, I will tell you all about it soon.
When Shante sent me these images, I cried. It portrayed everything I wanted to be, but I think it is still very clear to the people who know me that something was up. It was in the hunch of my posture, the glaze in my eyes, the slight smile that took so much effort my face almost went numb. But it was me – raw and honest. She made me feel beautiful and unbroken. I have decided to share some of my favorite images from the shoot with you.
Thank you to the team of absolute powerhouses that made this possible. You have no idea the profound effect this shoot had on my life, my thoughts and my wellbeing. I can never thank you enough. To be featured with such incredibly strong women gave me the strength to push through. Reading their stories made me re-evaluate my life in a way that set me on a new course. A course that has given me hope and made me feel excited for what the future had in store! You can find the original post here.
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
You are not defined by the demons that lurk in the shadows, but you are defined by how you choose to defeat them. Fight with me.
Photography, concept and all around badass: Shante Hutton Photography
Hair and Makeup: Charlean Louw Bridal Stylist