Hi guys! So a week ago I let you all know that I would be taking a week off to relax and spend some serious quality time with my family – you could still follow me on Instagram to see what I got up to, but for a whole week I logged off.. I ignored e-mails and phone calls, I limited my time on Instagram and my Facebook page and stayed off Twitter for the most part! It was one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.
I needed some time to restore myself and to get some perspective. It is becoming increasingly hard to manage my blogging and the “brand” that goes with it, alongside having two small kiddies and having a very stressful and demanding, fast paced, full-time job. I still need to be a wife and mother – and as we all know that in itself comes with a whole bunch of requirements… chef, home maker, cleaner, driver, planner, PA, hair stylist, terrorist negotiator, therapist – the list literally never ends and keeps on growing. Point is, I feel like I have been letting the ball drop on all accounts – and the stress and feeling of failure has been eating at me. I have been getting terrible anxiety attacks and my Insomnia is back in full force. After not sleeping at all for about two and a half weeks straight and breaking down crying in my car I realized that I needed to go back on medication… after 4-years of coping perfectly without it, I was so disappointed in myself. Turns out the meds are not that bad, I take a tablet to help me sleep and another to curb my anxiety and stress during the day – it is helping me cope and to be a better version of myself, and that is all that really matters. Every now and then you just need a little extra help, and it is okay to ask for it.
Point is, sometimes you end up juggling so many balls in the air at a ridiculous pace, and at some point your arms are going to get tired and all the balls will come crashing to the ground. In your haste to get them all in the air again, you blur the lines of priority and a very evil cycle starts. It tires you out, you start making mistakes and you become a strange, burnt out version of yourself.
You stop enjoying doing the things you love and you start losing interest.. and it shows. My blog is a bit of a ghost of its former self. I hardly ever write anymore, and I miss it… it was such a great form of therapy for me. I think a lot of it has to do with the pressure that comes with it, the expectations and the so-called “rules”. It freaks me out to get 50 e-mails a day from random PR companies, all wanting something for nothing or offering something I have absolutely no interest in. I realized that I need to forget about everything else and blog for me. And that is exactly what I will be doing… I will write when I can and do the best I can, and when doing this I will pour my heart and soul into it. I will stop doing things half-assed or because I have to do it, because that’s when my blog becomes something I can no longer be proud of… and if I cannot be proud of it, I cannot enjoy it, and if I cannot enjoy it… what’s the point of doing it at all?
I got sleeping tablets to help me with sleeping at night, but sleep does not help when it is your soul that is tired. That is why I decided to take my family out to McGregor for a mini getaway, a little town in the middle of nowhere, with no cellphone signal and no expectations. We left all our worries and stresses behind, pretty much lost track of what day or time it is and just lived. Our little break was amazing, but far from perfect. It was almost like the universe conspired against us… First of all, the two-hour trip consisted of a screaming toddler, because every time Knox fell asleep our dog, Bam, would wake him up by slobbering all over his face (he was a bit too excited). We made a stop at the bottle store in Robertson… then the car refused to start up again. Nothing we did worked, and after waiting around for about an hour we managed to get hold of a mechanic. He walked over to the car, plugged in the starter motor plug and vroooom!! My poor husband’s pride. As we got to McGregor my heart kind of skipped a beat, it is the most beautiful, interesting rural town – but I will tell you all about it in another post! We got to our cottage and were delighted about the huge pool – so obviously after unpacking we all jumped in.
About 10-minutes after this photo was taken Mikayla kind of forgot that she has only had two swimming lessons and decided to jump into the deep end. I dropped my glass of wine and jumped in after her… my heart nearly stopped. She was a little traumatized and refused to get into the pool after that. She also told everyone she met and would listened that she drowned. The rest of the day was pretty peaceful, and the next day we decided to go wine tasting and explore. Just our luck, almost everything was closed – the one wine farm didn’t allow dogs, the second wine farm had a bee problem (I’m allergic to them) so we could not sit outside and the third one was okay, but they did not serve food during the week and the service was sooooo slow – we just got too hungry and decided to rather leave. We went out for dinner, only to be told that the Chef resigned the evening before and there was no-one to “veganize” our meals for us – they only had a set menu. So we ate chips and spaghetti.
Half way through the evening it started… I got what I thought was the stomach bug from hell….. After a night of being super ill and getting no sleep, I was grateful for a cold rainy day. It meant we got to stay inside and laze by the fire… as we finished starting the fire, and just as I settled down for a nap – Cole jumps up and said we have to pack and go back to Cape Town! He had completely forgotten about his tattoo appointment later that day. So we packed in record time, and I had to endure two hours of travelling home while being nauseous and having a very angry tummy… which lasted 4 freakin’ days. At least I can now finally fit into my old jeans… and Cole’s new tattoo turned out pretty darn rad! He just could not miss his appointment with Tamar, she is in such high demand and losing an appointment with her is a disaster.
For the rest of my little holiday I spent as much time as possible with my family and tried to rest. My parents and sisters were down from Upington and we visited the Naval Museum in Simons Town which is always pretty awesome, had lunch at the Salty Sea Dog – a must – went to look at the penguins at Boulders Beach, went to watch a movie at the IMAX for the very first time and I took my sis to her very first Kirtsenbosch Summer Concert to watch Beatenberg. We had such a great time, if you have not been to a Kirstenbosch Summer Concert – do yourself a favour! We even got to meet the band afterwards!
I rambled a lot more than I intended in this post, but anyway, I have been so quiet for so long, so I think you can forgive me this one time – it is just one of those days were I can write with no end in sight! So I am going to cut myself short right now and do my little currently thing…
Anticipating: I absolutely cannot wait for the yearly Cape Town Blogger Meet-up – Cindy always does such a great job and it is great (and exhausting) to leave your comfort zone for a day and to mingle with the people who have become your “online family”.
Excited About: I think the thing I am most excited about is starting my True Krav Maga Self-Defence and Martial Arts training this April. I have signed up for 6+ months of grueling, intense, mentally and physically challenging training. I have had it with crime in this country, and after initially questioning it – I have decided that having a gun in our home is not something I feel comfortable with… so I had to ask myself, what else can I do? That is how I stumbled across Krav Maga training. Krav Maga is a self-defense system developed for the Israel Defence Forces that consists of a wide combination of techniques sourced from aikido, judo, boxing and wrestling, along with realistic fight training. Krav Maga is known for its focus on real-world situations and its extremely efficient at teaching brutal counter-attacks. Krav Maga has a philosophy emphasizing threat neutralization, simultaneous defensive and offensive maneuvers. It teaches you to avoid confrontation – if this is impossible or unsafe, it promotes finishing a fight as quickly as possible. Attacks are aimed at the most vulnerable parts of the body, and training is not limited to techniques that avoid severe injury; some are even intended to permanently injure or cause death to the opponent. They teach you how to disarm an attacker, what to do when you are attacked by more than one person and what to do when you are kidnapped/hijacked. You also learn how to efficiently and safely handle various weapons. I know this seems a bit crazy, but that’s okay… this world is crazy. I want to be strong, I want to have a fighting chance… and it is bad-ass! I mean, just look at this video from the training center in Cape Town-->
It is not for everyone, but I need this. I am going to give it my all. I will keep you guys updated on how it goes!
Accepting: I have learned to accept that I cannot always do it all and be it all. I have realized that by always putting everyone’s needs above my own I have neglected myself to the point were my health has now been affected. Anyway… point is, I have accepted that sometimes you drop the ball and that is okay… You just do what you can, you do your best and that is just fine. You don’t have to be the best at everything, you don’t need a constant Instagram perfect time-line, your house does not always have to be spotless… just live your live, just breathe.
Appreciating: I really appreciate the fact that my kids are able to go to a really good school were they are absolutely thriving. For security purposes I really do not want to disclose the name, but it is just such an incredible place. They are hectic on security, they have such a caring and loving environment and they are brilliant academically. I appreciate that my kids have teachers who absolutely adores them and love what they do. So thank you to all of you – you know who you are 😉
Feeling: Like shit. My immune system is completely messed up… but I’ll explain this in my Vegan journey section below…
Loving: Autumn… the colder evenings make my heart sing. I even got to wear my cosiest jersey last night! I can’t wait for layers upon layers of clothing, long coats and awesome boots, wearing my hubby’s warm woolly socks and drinking warm coffee in the cold wind… and bring on the rain!
Questioning: I hate to admit it, but I am questioning the relevance of my blog. I love it, but I have this stupid need for validation. I really have been neglecting my blog and have not been posting frequently, but even knowing all of this – watching my stats drop really sucks. I have not been putting my heart and soul into my writing, and I think it really shows when I don’t give 100%… It is so demotivating… and I know it is silly.
Listening to: So I took my sister to Kirstenbosch Summer Concerts to watch a local band called Beatenberg. She adores them, and I had no idea who they were… I am sold! They have such a great sound and I am really enjoying their music. Also, my mom brought me all of my old CD’s that I made in highschool – they are filled with old school Avril Lavigne, Sum41, Dimmu Borgir, Korn, Britney Spears and all kinds of other random goodies – best driving music!
Reading: I just started reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult and I am hooked. I have only read a few of her books, but I have loved every single one. Have you read House Rules? What did you think?
Watching: Not really watching much TV at the moment, I know… it’s crazy! I am patiently waiting for the new Vikings to finish as well as Greys, so that I can binge watch to my heart’s content.
Considering: Slipping my sleeping tablets in my kids’ tea… just joking! But a girl can dream. They are driving me nuts!!!!!!
My Vegan Journey: I have only been fully Vegan for about 4-months now, and just as I started to think that it was surprisingly easy, I realized that I went about it all in a very stupid way. I really should have done more research… I thought I was eating really healthy and that we were doing so great. Then the diarrhea and nausea started on our getaway to McGregor… I thought it was just a stomach bug, little did I know it was just the beginning of symptoms of a vitamin B12 and iron deficiency. It actually started a while before that, I had no appetite and had a funny taste in my mouth. Yesterday (on Easter!) I woke up with sores in my mouth – it was so incredibly painful… I rushed to the doctor and was told that I am pretty much anemic due to my B12 and iron deficiency. I have not been taking a vitamin B12 or iron supplement – I really did not think that I needed to. Anyway… I am feeling incredibly ill and I cant eat anything that has to be chewed… So if you are considering going Vegan – get a Vitamin B12 and iron supplement straight away!!! I am not going to let it discourage me… I am still on my journey, I just need to figure some things out.
Working On: My temper… and stress… and anxiety… and sleeping. Also, I have been making some progress on not yelling at my kids so much! In general, I am going to focus on myself. Working on the way I handle situations, the way I talk to people, handle situations, etc… I just want to be a better me in general.
Mikayla: This child is just too incredible. She went through quite a bit with her great grandma passing away, her grandparents moving to England, dealing with a new sibling and starting a new school. She has been acting out, but even then she has been incredible. She has such a strong-willed personality, and she has a great heart. I am very proud of how she is handling all of this for her age. She has also taught herself to write… I mean, seriously… She sounds every word out, and although she gets the spelling wrong, I cant believe she is able to write these words all by herself. Oupa is Opo, Ouma is Omo… She made my sister a brithday card and wrote “Happi Birfday” in it! I also got a card this morning with ” I Loaf You Mommy, You Are Thi Best!”
Knox: He is being a terror! He gave us a week break after acting like he was possessed by the devil… but now the bottom teeth are cutting through! He climbs on everything with absolutely no fear of falling. He is refusing to let me feed him, he wants to do everything himself. He is also starting to talk… saying “this is mine” and “I want that” – great start I know. He cant find his words for everything and it frustrates him greatly to not be able to communicate properly – when this happens he pinches us… kids. Never a dull moment. You just can’t get angry at this face…
Wrap-up: In-case you missed it – here are some of February and March’s most popular posts:
So, how about you? What are you up to today? Feel free to do your own “currently” post on your blog and link back in the comments for everyone to check out. And thanks again to my dear friend Cindy for providing the original inspiration for these posts.