At 00:00 We popped the champagne as the countdown ended and I filled my lungs with air and breathed again. I have been holding my breath for months, just waiting for 2017 to end and 2018 to start.
I know that sounds silly. It is ridiculous, in fact… but if I thought 2016 was hard, 2017 had a whole new meaning of the phrase in store for us. Last year started off like a beautiful sunny day at the beach, and just as we thought it was safe to swim – a massive wave came in, knocking us off our feet, barreling us on, trying to pull us under and knocking us against the sharp reef… over and over and over again. We we were gasping for air, but our lungs just filled with water. So we held our breath, hoping not to drown and waiting to wash up on the shore. We made it, bleeding and covered in bruises – but we are here, we survived and life has to carry on. I refuse to let 2018 be a bad one, this WILL be our year. We can breathe again.
We celebrated our New Year’s Eve with our closest friends at our new home. Just as my eyes started drooping I heard the most incredible sound… rain. Cape Town is suffering the worst drought in 100 years, so the absolute downpour we experienced last night could only be a good omen for what’s to come. It rained throughout the night into the early hours of this morning and I feel like it washed my soul clean. What a beautiful feeling. It is like they say, after every rainfall comes a brighter day. I woke up to a house filled with very sleepy, but happy people – people I love so much and admire. I would not have had it any other way. My wonderful husband, my two beautiful kids, my father-in-law, my soul sister (Jonelle), her husband (my husband’s soul brother) and their adorable son (my son’s brother from another mother) – as I sat at the breakfast table surrounded by these amazing people, my heart was full of love and gratitude.
I never make New Year’s resolutions, I can never stick to them. This year, however, I have a few New Year’s goals and I am determined to make them work.
Goal 1: To be a present parent – I have really been slacking with this in the past few months and the effect it had on my children’s behavior is unavoidable. I am implementing a Log Off time in our home where no-one is allowed any screen time, so we will actually need to talk to each other, look at each other, focus on each other. I think a lot of the times we get so sucked into social media, work or television that it feels to our kids as if they are being ignored, or that they do not get our full attention – they don’t fully understand what they are feeling, but it affects them.
Goal 2: Family first. 2017 was the year that I allowed my job and work environment to eat me up and spit me out – but worse than that, I allowed it to dictate the amount of time I spent with my family – and also the mood I was in when I eventually got home. I allowed it to stress me out to a point where I was too scared to ask for half a day off to watch my daughter run her first ever athletics race. I missed so many precious moments that I will never have back. NEVER AGAIN. It is just a job, one that I am passionate about – but not passionate enough to allow it to make me feel regret or to look back knowing that I was not there, and I will never get to experience that moment again.
Goal 3: Being a better wife. The amount of times that I have not really listened to what my husband had to say, or left for work without saying goodbye, or fell asleep with my back to him or used the excuse “I am too tired”… All because I was too distracted, too stressed out and ultimately too exhausted. I have an amazing husband, who puts up with my crazy shit day after day and who is truly the glue holding our world together… he deserves a wife that does the same for him. I am really going to work on that.
Goal 4: My blog. Caffeine and Fairydust took a serious backseat last year. I just did not have the capacity, and when I tried – it was half-assed and I did not feel proud of my content. I miss blogging for me, I miss having a creative outlet and something I can feel proud of. This year I really want to focus on my photo’s, I am really enjoying taking beautiful pictures (even though I do not have a proper camera or have any idea what the hell I am doing). I have really been trying to get my Instagram feed looking more visually appealing – while still staying true to myself, there realness of every day life and the perfect imperfections that makes up our everyday moments. If you have not already, I would really appreciate it if you would follow me on Instagram for this journey – and please, send me DM’s! Chat to me, ask me questions, offer advise, give feedback – I really enjoy hearing from you guys! I also want to create better content on the blog, posts that you will enjoy and relate to. I am still figuring out how I want to use Twitter and Facebook. Maybe Twitter as a more open “chat” platform and Facebook to share my content across from all the other social media channels? What do you think?
So those are my goals, and my plan to achieve them is in motion – after all, a goal without a plan is just a wish.
Thank you for sticking with me through the hard times, the quiet times, the sad times and the funny times – you guys rock. And welcome to those of you that are new to my little space on the internet.
Happy New Year… throw some glitter on it and exhale the bullshit.