This announcement is a bit early, and I know there are people out there that will criticize my decision to share this publicly already – but that is their problem… not mine. This is my story, and I will tell it however I want. As I usually do… plus, my hormones are all over the place and everyone and everything is my enemy at the moment.
Two weeks ago while driving my kids home from school, I had the urge to make a u-turn and go buy a pregnancy test. We have not been trying to have a baby, medically it was not even supposed to be possible (due to the fact that I have not been able to ovulate for about 2-years), and I was on the patch (contraceptive)… but for a few days prior I had been struggling with extreme exhaustion. I had no energy, no motivation, I could not concentrate at all and I had no spark… and that is very unlike me. I struggled to wake up in the mornings, and if I sat still long enough I’d fall asleep on the spot. My breasts were tender, I was 4-days late on my period and I was craving pizza like you won’t believe… I NEVER crave pizza. It is not exactly on my list of favourite foods.
I thought that I had some sort of vitamin deficiency, or that my low blood pressure was acting up… but something felt different. I felt pregnant… it was like I could feel the tiny little spec inside my womb… almost like I could feel every cell splitting and dividing. It was impossible, but I felt so sure that I made the u-turn and bought a test. I took it the moment I got home, I did not even bother to wait for the morning. I made the kids some lunch in the 5-minutes it took for the positive markings to appear.
I wish I could say I was happy, or ecstatic, or even excited. I was not… at all. I was angry, and upset. This was not the plan. We made peace ages ago that we would not be able to have another child, that it would be too risky after the complications with Knox’s birth… plus, my hormones were in shambles. I was not ovulating and have been undergoing intensive treatment just to stop my period from making me extremely ill every month. We gave away every single baby item we owned, except for the sentimental stuff. I just launched my company, we moved from a 5-bedroom house to a 2-bedroom house and were in the pursuit of a simple and minimalistic life…. this was not supposed to happen.
But it did.
I told my best friend before I told my husband… I know, I am an asshole. But she has been my other-other half for 11-years. We went through a lot together, and I knew she would not judge my absolute devastation and the little miracle that was forming inside my womb. I could be honest and express my darkest thoughts… and I was terrified of telling Cole. I have no idea why… I suppose I was scared he would be as upset as I was. And I did not want to be upset… I just was.
Cole got home, I told him and I burst out into tears as he beamed with happiness and excitement. I could not stop crying, and he could not stop smiling… and after the tears dried up, he held me close and I knew that everything was going to be okay. I was just scared… I did not see myself as a mom of three, I already feel like I am too bad a mom just to handle the two kids I already have – but this baby really wants to be here, it is a miracle. Not a crazy miracle, I mean – it is not like I was completely infertile… but a miracle nonetheless. Cole was so excited that he basically announced it to the whole world, and his excitement was infectious. It took me a bit longer to wrap my head around this drastic, unplanned life change – but I am finally on board. I kept my positive pregnancy test in the drawer of my bedside table… for an entire week I kept taking it out before I went to sleep and as I woke up in the morning, just to make sure it was real. It is still there. My brain, heart and body had a chat and we are ready to embark on this epic journey.
I must say, it is pretty amazing to have a chance to experience this all over again – to soak up every second and enjoy every phase knowing that this really is my last baby. I am excited, but it has been quite overwhelming… I feel like everything has changed since my last pregnancy. The rules, the gadgets, the products available, the medical aid benefits (for the better, yay!)… everything is different and I have been so out of touch with what was happening in the babysphere.
For now, I am just taking it day by day. I am officially 8 weeks pregnant. Little lemon is supposedly the size of a raspberry. I am absolutely exhausted all the time – all I want to do is sleep. My skin is not doing so great and I am starving – all of the time! I am craving pizza, orange juice and spicy food and I am super emotional. Knox cannot wait to be a big brother – he is just very concerned that his clothes won’t fit him anymore once he becomes a big brother. Mikayla can’t wait and is hoping for a little sister, she has promised to even help change diapers. We’ll see. All-in-all… I look at the two perfect children we already have, and I know that this little one will be loved – he/she is right where they need to be and when they needed to be. Our family is whole.
I am at peace. I am happy… and I am extremely grateful to be on this journey. This is my last baby (for real), and I want to document it properly. I barely remember my other two pregnancies for various reasons… I refuse to forget this experience.
Anyway, enjoy the ride with me – I need to go have a nap now.
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I've been keeping a big secret for the past two weeks!! So many people know now that I thought I should rather announce it before someone else does 😂 my husband is practically screaming it from the rooftops so… Baby number 3 is on the way!!!! That's why I've been a bit quiet on the blog and Insta stories… My face has been so swollen from the hormones, I'm absolutely exhausted all the time and it has been a very big surprise. It's still very early, probably too early to share the news (we are only 7 weeks pregnant), but this will be my very last one… so I want to cherish, document and share the whole experience. It is my biggest inspiration at the moment, and its practically all I can think about so I find it hard to read or talk about anything else. We are super excited and had a check-in yesterday. Everything is looking good! Never thought that I'd have to do this baby thing all over again, and being a mom of three is scary as hell… But with these two monkeys and @duderevude_cole by my side, I can do anything. Edited to add: @lunalacey gave me the perfect nickname… Baby will be known as little lemon for now 🍋 Thank you to @danielleforever22 for the flowers, they were all harmed during this photograph, unfortunately 😂😂 #momlife #pregnancyannouncement #cf7weeks #pregnant #family #love #mommyblog #blogger #HappySpring #spring2018 #parentingblog